it's not that my rules are hard to follow, it's that i have a hard time not saying 'no'. i think i just want B to punish me. i'd been put in the corner twice for it already, so when i did it again last night i got a spanking. and somehow i felt .... content? afterwards.
i'm not sure that's a good thing, and i'm not sure how i tell him i want him to spank me more often. that seems backwards.
other than that, i think i've been doing really well at behaving and following my rules. 'cept for going to sleep/waking up on time. cos he's been lenient in some respects. i.e. last night, we both fell asleep at 10PM and woke up around 1.30AM .... and didn't go *back* to sleep til 5AM. altho, i tried, i really did. and as a result, i didn't wake up until 2PM. he let me, cos he knew i hadn't slept ... but still! i guess i should just force myself. get myself on schedule.
can someone tell me what it is about being told you're not allowed to masturbate that makes you want to do it even more?!
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Why does expressing what you want seem backward to you?
ReplyDeleteI had that issue too. I felt like I was topping from the bottom by expressing my wants and I should be happy with what was given to me. But that's bullshit, IMO. Your wants still matter. If you're not happy or satisfied, what is the point?
If it's the topping from the bottom thing, you can tell him your wants until you're blue in the face. In the end, it's still his decision on whether he wants to indulge your wants/desires or not. And if he does, you know it was because he wanted to, not because you wanted him to.
I don't know, I just feel like I'm not supposed to *want* to be spanked? Its an issue I didn't think I had. Sometimes, I just think 'man, one of these days he's gonna get tired of me/this and stop it/us.'
ReplyDeleteDo you think it may be a contentment that your Master cares enough about you to want you to be your best? By punishing you, He shows that He is paying attention even to the little things. Cuz ya know, who wants a Master who lets them do whatever and break all the rules?
ReplyDeleteOh and being denied masturbation makes it that much more appealing because your suddenly SO aware of what you CAN'T touch lol. I'm forever playing with my hood ring so not being allowed to masturbate is torture!
Oh, that sounds terrible! I usually preemptive and ask before B goes off to work ;x
ReplyDeleteSephanie -- Yes, that occurs to me. One day, B came home & was just .... more ... than he had been. Stricter, more serious about making sure I follow what I'm told. I think it's exactly the fact that he wants me to be better cos he cares. Makes me feel warm and squishy inside :D
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