Friday, March 27, 2009

Rainy Day Pt1

i'm sitting in the living room, phone to my ear.
'what's the plan?' you ask. you know me, i'm not good at making plans. i giggle uncertainly and suggest the lake. it's been beautiful all week and what could be better than a short hike around the lake? you say this sounds like a great idea & you can't wait to see me.


when you get here, i'm not quite ready, as usual. it's cold outside, so i make sure to grab a hoodie. then i run a comb through my hair, put on my shoes, and run out the door.
you're standing in the parking lot, smoking a cigarette. you grin when you see me & encompass me in a great hug before throwing down your cigg and opening the car door for me.
you turn the car on and look at me.
'it's going to rain, you know,' you say. i look up at the dingy grey overcast sky and frown, my only idea is clearly not going to work.
you suggest we go to the lake anyway , as we've got nothing better to do.
when we pull up at the lake, it hasn't started raining yet, so we decide to step outside.
everything's going well, we're chatting and having a great time. then it starts to rain & i start to complain about how cold it is.
'let's go back to my car,' you suggest. we spend the next half hour fidling with the radio station & the MP3 player on my phone. you sit back, exasperated at the lack of good music.
'i should've brought CDs,' you say. 'i should've thought of something better to do,' i say.
during this hunt for music, you've casually put your hand on my thigh ... and i've casually put my hand on top of your's.
we go for another half hour or so with casual flirting, casual touching. looking through eachother's phones.
then you look at me. you take my face in your hands and lean in, slowly, slowly, and kiss me. hard. no tongue, just your lips on mine. my world spins for a minute & i think i actually gasp.
lips part, tongues meet, i think i melt as i put my hand on your neck.
we break apart after what seems like hours & i smile shyly.
'i think i got my lipgloss on you,' i say. you smile & i don't think you care.
you go in to kiss me again & look at me like you just can't get enough. i'm a drug & you need your fix.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm trying to deal with it, being different & all that.

a thousand times i've come to this page & started to write something. a thousand times, i've turned around and erased everything i've written.
i've noticed it's really really hard to write a 'sex blog' when you aren't having any.
the last time i got laid was ... october. and every relationship i've attempted to start has failed, mostly due to myself.
what's a girl to do?

sometimes i feel totally, utterly alone.
other times, i really feel like if i had someone i'd hate it. i'd be smothered or something.
i've been really depressed lately and just ... not in a good state of mind.

i'm looking into schools for makeup artistry!
i figure if i'm depressed, then i'm going to have to fix it.
and what better way than learning things & doing something with myself?

i guess i don't really have anything much to say ... but my last entry being in february made me feel a bit depressed.