Thursday, February 12, 2009

i very technically had my first "play session" on monday.
that thing i dreaded. it happened. it wasn't nearly as bad as i thought it was going to be. but it still fucking SUCKED.

today is thursday & altho my phone is still shut off, i haven't heard from M or H.

i'm starting to think my decision was made for me.


i'm going to my first ever munch on sunday! well, hopefully. if i can find a ride.
i think it'll be a lot of fun to meet some new people.
i like pretending to have some semblance of a life.


i find myself more & more feeling like a lonely, lost little girl.
feeling a bit like i may never find my way.
like, maybe i'm just destined to forever wander the earth alone.

but you know ... patience has never been my strong suit.
i want what i want, & i want it NOW.

at the same time ... i don't think i'm mentally ready for a relationship to the degree that i want.
i find myself with horrible trust issues i never noticed before.
i want to play & have fun & not throw so much of myself into something that i don't know for sure is going to last. can you have 100% sureity on any kind of relationship?

1 comment:

  1. *hug* It takes time to build up that trust and relationship. You WILL find what you're looking for. You're young, there are still many opportunities in your life to find your other half. :)